Thursday, February 15, 2007


So apparently Tim Hardaway isn’t copacetic with this whole “gay” thing. Hardaway delicately articulated his feelings when he stated, “You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known…I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States." Duly noted, Timothy. For the record, Hardaway would like to add that the Timmy Two-Step no longer describes his legendary cross-over…it’s the way he kicks dirty gays in the face. John Amaechi referenced his big gay thesaurus when he responded to Hardaway’s comments with, “Finally, someone who is honest. It is ridiculous, absurd, petty, bigoted and shows a lack of empathy that is gargantuan and unfathomable. But it is honest.” Amaechi went on to add, “The reprehensible comments of Mr. Hardaway are in no way scrumtrillescent, and if forced to describe a hypothetical embodiment of him in the form of an inorganic reagent, I would refer to him as 4-phenyl-thiophenyl-diphenyl-sulfonium triflate.”

My favorite part of Hardaway’s diatribe was when he said gays shouldn’t be in the locker room. Sounds like Timmy honestly believes the only gay people in the world are like The Sisters from Shawshank.
I’ve heard that Hardaway is still somewhat involved with the Heat, which opens the door for great fun. Jason Kapono and Dorrell Wright can’t possibly fill all their free time, so I think they should form a sham gay relationship between the two of them. They should keep fuzzy navel wine coolers in their lockers, hang up posters of guys, and give Hardaway really long hugs when they see him. Maybe even a kiss on the cheek just for good measure.

In all honesty, I know Hardaway isn’t really fag hater. Isn’t it a little weird that he has the same last name as Anfernee, but they aren’t even related? Pretty obvious the two of them eloped long ago, and Tim is still just trying to cover his tracks. We’re not judging you, Tim, come on out of that closet, and dip your toes in that vast pool of gay tranquility. The water is fine.

*Editor’s note: Run’s with Two Horses is accepting submissions for the current players in the league who are most likely to be gay. Fire away faithful readers.


Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

Most people who hate homosexuals only wish that they have no contact with them. Even the more extreme biggots wish there was an island to send every homosexual (guess what, you're on it!). But Tim Hardaway doesn't even want them in existence.

February 15, 2007 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Joe B. said...

I'm going to submit that Matt Walsh is the NBA player most likely to be gay. UK students discovered this long ago, however Matt has failed to come out of the closet and admit he loves men. I think this picture confirms my suspicions.

February 15, 2007 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Jesus' Son said...

If I had to pick 2 queers in the NBA, I'd pick Steve Novak and all Europeans.

February 15, 2007 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Jumping Bull said...

Walsh is still in the NBA? Who'da thunk? I'm gonna say that there is no way Jeff Foster is not gay. As some of you may know, I am a lifelong Pacers fan, and Jeff is one of my favorite players because of his incessant hustle and ability to board like no other. But he's definitely gay. I'm also 99% sure that John Stockton is gay.

February 15, 2007 at 12:37 PM  
Blogger Jesus' Son said...

I also thought that John Stockton was gay but did not include him since he is retired. I think what tipped it off is the way he always ran very hunched over like something was in his ass.

February 15, 2007 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

Look out everyone, you've just made remarks about one of Natty's favorite all-time players.

February 15, 2007 at 12:49 PM  
Blogger Jumping Bull said...

Well my cover's blown. I was trying to subtly take a jab at Natty's own personal basketball Jesus, but alas, Thelonius has foiled me.

February 15, 2007 at 1:18 PM  
Blogger Natty Bumpo said...

Wow, guys, when did the religious right steal all of your passwords, hijack the blog, and start posting embarrassingly homophobic comments? Seriously, does anyone know?

February 15, 2007 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Runs With Two Horses said...

First of all, Natty, I'm not trying to get people to suggest who is likely gay just to make fun of those guys. I just think it's important that Tim Hardaway knows who the likely suspects are, so he can keep a safe distance.

There was a poll on gauging people's reactions to Tim Hardaway's comments. It looks like they took it down, but there were like seven or eight choices and the leading choice was "He was just saying what most people think." One of the runners-up was that people thought his comments were "courageous" (14%). I never saw these responses coming, you all should try to find it, because I'm too lazy to figure out where it was.

February 15, 2007 at 2:00 PM  
Blogger Jumping Bull said...

Not to change the topic to a different subject, but if anyone else watched ESPN's broadcast of the Duke/BC game last night, there cannot possibly be a worse announcer to listen to than Mike Patrick. He was bad enough on MNF, but at least the action slows up enough at times to allow him to breathe. During last night's game he sounded like he had snorted several vicadins and downed a grande from Starbucks. And if I hear him refer to a referee as "brilliant" one more time, I will burn his house down. This isn't a Guiness commercial Mike. The guy is an ass-clown and I'm seriously considering boycotting any further broadcast that he participates in.

On a personal note, it's good to see that we have friends who are better than us and will let us know when our behavior is embarrassing. Now that I've been properly chastised, I'm gonna go remove my name from Pat Robertson's email list.

February 15, 2007 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

If you ask me, it'd be easier to try and guess which NBAers aren't gay. Always sweating and slappin each other's butts. What a bunch of homos.

Also, those kids who tied Matthew Shepard to the fence called. They want their hatred back.

February 15, 2007 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

February 15, 2007 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

Whew, just realized we're not the worst people on the Internet! KSK just posted a racial draft based on which black people they'd like to hang out with the most.

“AwesomeUSA! more PC than some websites since 2006.”

February 15, 2007 at 3:10 PM  
Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

Not to bogart the comments here, but has anyone seen the fuser? It just wouldn't be a true conversation about gays without him.

February 15, 2007 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger SonDog said...

What did Hardaway study at UTEP anyway? I mean, you said that on a radio show?! Really?!

In no way do I think ESPN is trying to exploit this story in order to sell more of Amechi's books... which were published by ESPN. Um, yeah. In no way.

ESPN: when it comes to conflicts of interest, they love the conflicts.

February 15, 2007 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger the butler said...

Timmy's radio interview was so funny it made me wet my pants. I love how he was semi-PC until the interviewer called him ignorant and bigoted, then Hardaway went all gangsta on his ass.

Might be gay: Mike Bibby, Tim Duncan, Boris Diaw (he's French, right?), Mike Miller, Luke Walton, Ben Gordon.

February 15, 2007 at 5:44 PM  
Blogger El Fuser said...

Someone requested that I make an appearance.... Before I say anything... I've got absolutely nothing against homosexuals and I certainly didn't mean to piss anyone offs... my apologies.

I would like to know what this guy would have to say about this sensitive issue.

February 15, 2007 at 8:20 PM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

Mike Tyson no longer deserves discussion. He had talent, but no mind of his own. He has been demonized (deservedly so), and no one would be surprised to hear any of this from him. The only thing good about Mike Tyson is his video game, and he even messed that up as the re-release, Punch Out!!!, saw his name removed from the game and his character replaced with Mr. Dream.

February 15, 2007 at 9:32 PM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

I must add another remark about homophobia since this subject has gotten much air-time at awesome lately. It's actually a very puzzling problem as to why there is any homophobia in the first place. Our very primal reason for existence is to spread our genes. For this reason, mano-a-mano violence was a very real threat and ingrained in us anger and hatred as survival mechanisms. From that vantage, a homosexual poses absolutely no threat to us and our ability to perform our primal task, and, yet, can somehow still evoke the same response even on a physiological level. How can this be? Why do we care? If anything, we should embrace homosexuals. Why were we trained to feel and react this way towards those who pose no threat? Since I have neither homophobia nor religion, I blame religion. But, at the same time, what can't I blame on religion?

February 15, 2007 at 9:59 PM  
Blogger Awful Chief said...

bison dele murdered at sea sounds like a big coverup all of a sudden.

as far as current players, i'm going with eddie griffin. it was never proved to be heterosexual porn in the dvd player in his SUV.

February 15, 2007 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger jb said...

Shawn Kemp.

February 17, 2007 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger PackersFan said...

Karl Malone

February 18, 2007 at 7:03 PM  

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