Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Hey Tubby..........FUCK YOU!!!

Thanks Tubby. Thanks for taking the one thing that I truly love in this world and turning it into…not that. Thanks for unofficially renaming “UK” the “University of Moral Victories.” Wow, maybe one day I’ll tell my kids about the time when UK almost beat Florida and Tennessee in a 72 hour span….in basketball. And before I really get into this rant, fuck you, Jimmy Dykes, for saying that Bernard King might have been the best basketball player the SEC has ever seen. You just better hope Pete Maravich doesn’t go Pet Sematary on you for your historical ineptitude (for the record, other than that completely unnecessary twisting of the knife in my stomach just after UK lost to Tennessee, I rather enjoyed your commentary). For those of you scoring at home, in the last week UK has given up a combined 188 points to Tennessee and South Carolina. That’s ball line defense at its finest.

I’m tired of the excuses, I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. What does Tubby have to do to get on the hot seat? He inherited a program that worried about slipping out of the top 10, and now he has one that fights to stay ranked. Tubby has three seasoned juniors and a talented freshman class. He has depth, he has shooting, he has athleticism, and he has perhaps the best offensive big man in college basketball. What’s that good for? Apparently not getting blown out, and it stops there. I’d like to think I could coach a team with those assets and find a way not to get beat the shit beat of me either. Of course if I was coaching the team, I’d do it for free, smoke a cigar the whole time, and wear a Tom Landry hat. If Tubby could claim any of those traits, I’d be a little easier on him…but he doesn’t. All he does is suck the life out of basketball.

Really take a step back and look at this UK team and explain to me why they aren’t better. They may not have first-team All American talent at every position, but these are “Tubby’s Guys.” He’s proven that he doesn’t win with the blue chip talent (Jason Parker, Rashad Carruth, Marvin Stone, Rajon Rondo). So these are the guys he thinks he can win with. Listen to me, UK fans: THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT IS GOING TO GET. We aren’t soaring to new heights with Tubby anytime soon, and for a while I used to say there was no sense in complaining about Tubby because there was no one else out there that could do a better job and would be willing to come to UK. Not the case anymore. Billy Donovan has officially passed Tubby, Tom Crean has to be itching for a better stage than Marquette, and John Pelphrey would make this program exactly what it is supposed to be, a cold-blooded ass kicker that kicks opponents right in the taint and then spits in their mouths. The most winnable game UK has left on the schedule is when Georgia comes to town…the same Georgia team that already beat UK. Enjoy, Big Blue Nation, I’ll be up in the clock tower.

While on the subject of UK, what the hell is going on with Ramel Bradley? I felt sorry for him when he talked about beefing up in the off-season (he put on over 20 pounds of muscle) so he could be a little more like Chauncey Billups and Stephon Marbury. Just like everyone else, I knew Ramel was fun to watch in college but had no chance at making it to the League. Now I think his stock has quietly risen higher than Joe Crawford’s. Don’t believe me? Watch the Phoenix Suns and think Ramel Bradley the whole time Leandro Barbosa is in the game. I’d imagine there are more than a handful of teams out there that could use a guy like that. He plays very solid defense, seems to be a student of the game, and has a complete offensive arsenal. Plus we know he’s capable of coming off the bench and making shots immediately. He also has a great attitude and is allegedly one of the most coachable guys on the team.

I have no idea what about the veracity of this statement, but I heard that at halftime of the South Carolina game Tubby asked Randolph if he could speak Japanese, then informed him that he better learn because that was the only place he was going to be able to play considering Morris’ sorry defense. Not quite like wearing a Tom Landry hat, but it makes me like Tubby a little better (still in the clock tower, if you need me though).

How about this whole Andy Reid thing? Taking a leave of absence to deal with his two crazy kids. I just imagine his kids being Bill Murray’s twin sons from Rushmore. Seriously, Andy has one son who’s doing heroin and the other pointing guns at people in the street (no, neither son is Stephen Jackson). So Andy Reid had these two psychos for kids, but he just couldn’t handle Terrell Owens? I can’t even really put that together. I hate TO, but I think I’d rather hang out with him than a couple of armed lunatics on smack. As a Cowboys fan, I was thinking it would be really great if the Eagles decided they couldn’t wait for Andy to return, and just impulsively replaced him with Marty Schottenheimer. It would be the worst possible pick for their personnel. Poor little Westbrook out there, running 40 times a game, completely hitting a wall after Week 6…yeah, I know, my team already hired Wade Phillips, so I couldn’t make fun of Philly even if they brought in Paterno, but thanks to complete mismanagement of the Cowboys and UK basketball I live in world of hypotheticals to avoid the pain of reality. I need another beer.


Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

Here is some nitpicking on Tubby: (1) He puts Mark Coury into the game during the first half for about 5 minutes last night. This makes absolutely no sense to me. I believe in rewarding kids who are playing hard at practice, but jesus christ, the guy gets to play for Kentucky when he has no business even wearing the color blue. Let's put it into perspective, Rudy had to work 20x harder than Coury has ever worked just to get some "mop up" minutes for Notre Dame. Sit Coury's ass on the end of the bench and keep him there until there is a non-conference home blowout. (2) He doesn't talk to any of the players when they come out of the game. I mean take 20 seconds to explain something about what they could have done better or worse. He pulls them out and doesn't even look at them, not even a slap on the ass, or anything. If there is one thing I respect about Coach K it's his dedication to the players. He always talks to players when he pulls them out. He has a feel for what the kids need at all times. (3) We never press. Kentucky is known for how deep their teams usually are. I think we can afford to give at least nine players solid minutes, maybe 10 if you throw Razor Ramon in there. Joe and Ramel should both average around 30 minutes a game. Randolph 26-28 a game. Perry 20. Sheray 15-20. Stevenson 10. Woo 10. Jodie and Jasper both around 20 minutes a game. Porter 10-15. and Razor 5-10. There is no point in using this depth simply for Randolph getting in foul trouble.

We have a new practice facility, let's bring in a new style. I've been a huge Tubby supporter, but Runs is right - let the Pelphrey era begin.

February 14, 2007 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

I don't know why so much attention is given to UK by my garrulous friends. It's actually very simple: UK just blows in all ways at everything. Maybe that's the real reason why Thelonious didn't come over last night to get his swoll on; he was wasting time cheering for his worthless team.

February 14, 2007 at 12:48 PM  
Blogger Dr. Dunkinstein said...

Very eloquent Mr. Curveball. Since when did AwesomeUSA start attracting Rhodes Scholars to start posting?

February 14, 2007 at 1:18 PM  
Blogger Natty Bumpo said...

Seriously, T. Monk, why didn't you get your "swoll on" over at Mr. Curveball's house? I'm getting my "swoll on" at this very moment. And it is an awesome time that you do not want to miss out on.

February 14, 2007 at 1:49 PM  

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