Thursday, February 08, 2007

A Message from Joakim Noah to the Inhabitants of Kentucky

Greetings. This Saturday my Florida Gators play your Kentucky Wildcats in a game of basketball at Rupp Arena. I realize that many of you do not like me. I have been visiting some of your message boards and discussion forums on the internet. Apparently, you find me unattractive, question my sexuality, and think I am an idiot. Well, that's fine. I do not hate any of you. I understand that Kentuckians are rabid fans, as dedicated to your Cats as Floridians are to their Gators. As an elite college athlete, I should get used to your criticisms and mockery. Hey, I understand that I'm kind of an easy target. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I have nothing but respect for your basketball team and for your beautiful state. Unfortunately, I will be required to dunk on your players' faces repeatedly. I may even send one of Joe Crawford's ill-advised jumpers into the fifth row of the eRUPPtion zone. I'll see you all then. Take care.
P.S. Will Lukasz Obrzut be inbounding the ball? Just joking. I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just couldn't help myself.


Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

You just wait Joakim Noah. You just wait for all those clever UK students to hold up their signs that read, "NOAH IS GAY". We'll see what you do then. There will be no way to avoid it, it will be in capital letters. And then everyone will think that you are gay. It will be your demise, Noah. You will be shooting free-throws and the next think you know you will be reading a sign that says "NOAH IS GAY." You will have to think to yourself, "Oh no, now everyone will think that I'm gay!" You will miss your free throws, because you have never seen signs that call you gay. And that is why Kentucky will always win. Because we will make signs that call you gay, and no one else will.

February 8, 2007 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger Joe B. said...

Well said Thelonius, Noah is gay and he's going to hear about it.

February 10, 2007 at 10:26 AM  

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