Friday, December 01, 2006

Ron Mexico is not a passing quarterback

I have been in an extensive meeting with Leonard Peltier regarding the gag order recently placed on Thelonius Monk. Before Thelonius came to Awesome USA, this blog was relatively restrained in its lewdness and sexual references. Thelonius came and changed all of that. Our first response was to criticize this brash young contributor. Just as Isiah Thomas tried to freeze Michael Jordan out of the All-Star game so many years ago, so Awesome USA tried to restrain Thelonius. But, it's time to rectify the situation. Last night Leonard and I reviewed Thelonius' old posts on Codpieces. The result: we laughed our asses off and realized that trying to make Thelonius' posts like those of the other Awesome USA contributors is akin to trying to make Michael Vick a passing quarterback. Michael Vick is not a passing quarterback. In fact, what keeps Michael Vick from being a passing quarterback is exactly what makes him special. We realize that now. So, the gag order is off. Be lewd. Be crude. Let the man juice rain come down and cover us in all of its glory. The guantlet has been thrown. We eagerly await your next offensive, cringe-inducing post.
Our apologies,


Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

for the record, the std ratio between ron mexico and myself is 13:0.

December 2, 2006 at 5:41 PM  
Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

Wish I could say the same. By the way, what's 13 divided by 19? I'm pretty sure it equals itching and burning but I could be wrong.

December 2, 2006 at 6:26 PM  
Blogger Runs With Two Horses said...

Have you guys noticed that Vick hasn't been the same since Ron Mexico gave that girl an STD?

In an unrelated note, I think it's finally time for the government to force Vick and Iverson to start playing soccer. They would probably be the two best soccer players of all time and lead America to ten straight World Cups (at least). It would also put an end to their frustrating underachievments in their respective sports.

To answer Leonard, 13 divided by 19 equals nausea. And speaking of side effects, check out the new Flomax commercials. Apparently Flomax helps old guys with bad plumbing pee better. Unfortunately it decreases the same old guys' production of semen.

Thelonius, would you rather be great at peeing or maintain your ability to ejaculate massive loads? Explain.

December 2, 2006 at 7:54 PM  
Blogger Jumping Bull said...

Flomax, more like Blomax.

December 2, 2006 at 9:19 PM  

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