I Should Just Cut My Face Off

It seems that every night I have been out with a group of people and someone has taken several pictures, I always think to myself at the time of the picture taking, "Ok, this is going to be a really good picture." Then I wake up the next morning and am absolutely horrified with the picture.

The Barrister's Ball was this past Friday night; which is essentially the one formal dance we have during the year. It's held in January so that everyone is pale and overweight, effectively limiting the amount of premarital sex that could possibly take place afterwards. Anygay, several pictures were taken of me throughout the night and to no surprise each one made me recoil in horror when first seen. After seeing these pictures, I'm amazed anyone even talked to me throughout the night. Hell, I'm surprised people were able to hold down their food after looking at me. The same thing happened on New Year's Eve, Christmas night, and the entirety of last year's Christmas break. These are the type of pictures that make me want to cut my face off and see if something better grows back. I honestly do not understand how I can leave my apartment with a sense of confidence about my appearance and then completely fall apart come picture time. I'm sure the large amounts of drinking don't help, but a lot of these pictures are taken before I've had that much. Does anyone remember my senior pictures? My parents almost didn't have to pay for them they were so bad.

Maybe it's just the camera. I don't enjoy my picture being taken and maybe that's reflected in the quality of work. I'd paste a few pictures with this article for a better reference, but I don't want to be responsible for losing our six readers. If anyone out there has suggestions for me to make myself look more attractive in pictures I would appreciate it. Tucking my chin in, furrowing my brow, or cutting my face off, please let me know. I'm an extremely vain and shallow individual.

In other news:

• Barbaro was euthanized today after a nine month battle. He broke his leg while running at the Preakness. I was honestly really upset when I first read this article. I remember watching Barbaro with the Kentucky Derby and he looked like an absolute stud. I've watched the Derby for the past 8 or so years, and I always felt that Barbaro stood out as a premier horse after that race. When we watched the Preakness, I think everyone could tell that something was going to happen when Barbaro jumped through the gates early. He looked nervous and even scared. When he broke his leg it was truly one of the most gruesome sports injuries I've ever seen. And I've seen Kermit Washington disfigure Rudy Tomjonavich's face, Daniel Swift snap a kid's leg in half, and Bart Long tear a kid's leg from his body. All kidding aside, I think this was the best choice for Barbaro and it has been pretty amazing the support he and his owners have gotten from so many people around the country.
• I watched the Suns beat the Cavaliers Saturday for their 17th consecutive win. I'm amazed with this team. I watch them and I don't understand how they win. It seems at least a couple NBA teams would have devised a defensive strategy to stop this offense. I'm also sick of people saying the Suns don't play defense very well. Steve Nash is not a premier defender, but of course teams are going to score a lot of points on the Suns because they probably get off 15 more shots a game than average. Steve Nash's assist to turnover ratio is also pretty remarkable. Against the Cavaliers he had 15 assists and zero turnovers. But let's also remember that the Suns shoot the ball usually within the first 10 seconds of the shotclock. Not much time to turn the ball over. Still, 15/0 is absolutely phenomenal
• Alando Tucker should easily win Player of the Year. Durant's stats are better, but Tucker is a great, great college basketball player. Durant's game is more suited for the pros and he is just a freak of nature at the college level, and most likely at the next level as well. But the great thing about college is that, it does matter that Durant is only a freshman. Tucker has led Wisconsin in scoring for the past three seasons. He has paid his dues, and this year he is finally getting the national recognition he deserves. He also has the ability to be a very good NBA player. He's 6'6", 210 pounds, and can play the 2 or 3 in the NBA. He finishes really tough shots around the basket and has a very polished post game. A poor man's Carmelo Anthony, if you will. And he won't sucker punch anyone or wear ugly corn rolls.