Airing the Grievances
Tubby Smith: Alright
Wade Phillips: Somehow I don’t think Tom Landry would approve of Wade Phillips getting his old job, but that’s the world we live in. Wade Phillips resume reads a little like this: four head coaching jobs, and one wasn’t a disaster…but his dad, Bum Phillips, was a legendary coach. I always feel a little bad for guys who have to live in their dad’s shadows, I already pity my poor progeny that will forever be eclipsed by my legendary status. But it’s a little different when your dad’s name is “Bum.” For those of you out of the loop, “bum” is an urban slang word that either means “a homeless person” or “someone’s ass.” If you can’t outclass a guy named Bum, then I don’t want you misguiding
Bill Parcells: What kind of an asshole finishes the season, works for two weeks, and then retires? He let all of
Ken Whisenhunt – I guess I’m really not mad at Ken Whisenhunt, but you have to question anyone who thinks it’s in his best interests to coach the Arizona Cardinals. He also is going to deprive us of awesome sound clips from Denny Green, so I hold that against him. Fifth, he hired a guy to be his offensive coordinator who still has a pending law suit regarding an alleged rat in his meal at a Taco Bell. Lastly, did you know he’s only 45 years old? The years haven’t been kind, Kenny, but that’s what you get when you work in the steel mills to make ends meet when you’re trying to support your family off a measly offensive coordinator salary.
Sal Masekela – do I really have to explain this? We’re talking about a black guy who is “super-hyped yo” about Winter X Games. And it’s worse than that. He’s becoming a Ryan Seacrest figure of sports. Everywhere you look, Sal Masekela is sticking his stupid dread-locked head in front of the camera and ruining whatever you were watching. I feel a little bit like ESPN is a show, not a channel. Stay with me. Remember in the Cosby show when Rudy started getting older, and they realized that Bill Cosby’s major appeal was how funny he was when he worked with little kids? Then they randomly bring Raven Symone into the show, so they can basically turn back the hands of time. I think ESPN realized Stu Scott was getting old and worn out, so they tried to bring a cuter, littler Stu, complete with stupid hair and no lazy eyes. Unfortunately three out of four of us don’t like Stu Scott in the first place. So I think it’s a lose-lose-lose situation. Booyah!
Rick Pitino -- Just kidding Ricker. I’m pretty smitten by you since you wore that white suit against UConn. The bad news is that Pitino’s white suit will probably be the most exciting detail about UofL’s season. We all assumed that your presence at UofL would be the nail in the coffin for Tubby, yet surprisingly, your sucky Cards are one of the best things Tubby has going.