Brett Favre is a Gunslinger

First things first. The Golden State Warriors have allegedly agreed to buy out Dajuan Wagner’s contract. I’m not positive, but an agreement between these parties presupposes that Dajuan Wagner is actually still alive. Awesome USA will continue to keep our readers posted on this development.

Florida -- When you dominate the tournament and return everyone except for Huertas (seriously, that’s the best guy they lost) I think you have to be ranked number one in the preseason. If they are hitting from the outside, then they are pretty much unbeatable.

I couldn’t agree with Natty more about Alando Tucker and Tyler Hansbrough. I think Hansbrough will be better in the NBA than most of these high profile freshman big men. And I also guarantee you that given the opportunity the Sonics will pass on Hansbrough in the draft so that they can take a more awkward foreign big man with the wingspan of a condor. Tucker might be the best Wisconsin player since Michael Finley. There, I said it Kirk Penney.

I just honestly heard Fran Fraschilla say that Greg Oden is the best center in the last forty years (no, he didn’t say he was “going to be”). He also named Adrian Peterson the greatest running back in NFL history and Haley Joel Osment the greatest actor in the history of film. Good news Fran, you’re invited to my house for the best Thanksgiving dinner since the Pilgrims came over here; if you need a ride, I’ll pick you up in the best 2000 Focus that Ford ever made.

The big bald white guy for UConn was named Ed Nelson, and it just so happens that he celebrated his 33rd birthday last week. He also tried out for an NFL team earlier this year, but it turns out that unless you’re Marky Mark the NFL doesn’t really hire over the hill white guys to play for them just b/c it’s a captivating story.

I was going to write how I thought UCLA was over ranked, but I’ve spent the last ten minutes watching them Cleveland Steam poor Chaminade. Chaminade doesn’t really count, but I’m going to withhold judgment on the Bruins for a little longer. Was anyone aware that Mbah a Moute is literally royalty in his native country of Cameroon? True story. UCLA also has a guy named Lorenzo who looks like a giant Kevin Federline.

If I could punch anybody in the world in the face it would be Greg Paulus. I would even possibly kick him in the nuts, and as a rule I never do that. Seriously, I would rather tongue kiss Joakim Noah and listen to stories about his parents than hang out with Greg Paulus. He’s the real life version of Sack Lodge from Wedding Crashers. Unfortunately, only a damn fool would leave Duke out of the top 15 until they actually prove they aren't good. The last thing I would do is not rank Duke in the top 25. They have 11 McDonald's All-Americans, and just b/c Coach K didn't play them last year, it doesn't mean they aren't good. If it were up to me I would rank Duke 3rd, just so they could be worse than that and nobody would talk about how much they are over achieving at the end of the year. Prediction: They'll be worse in the regular season than they have been the last few years, but they won't miss Redick's post-season flameouts. They get to the Elite Eight this season.

I’m also backing up Natty’s homework about Georgetown. Not only is it impossible for a team to be very good without impressive guard play, but the joy of watching Patrick Ewing Jr. foul people with reckless abandon is priceless.

I don’t think Pittsburgh makes the tournament this year. The Big East isn’t as top heavy as last year, but there is a lot of balance and I think they’ll get lost in the shuffle. Why? Because their best player is really good rebounder who won’t average more than 12 a game, and Krauser was absolutely the heart and soul of that team last year. Who is going to stand up and poke out the eyes of the Allan Ray’s of the world now?

Obligatory Comments About localesque teams:

IU – every IU fan should be furious about hiring Kelvin Sampson. Chronic underachievement in the tournament, and I’m still mad that Degree got him as a spokesperson like ten years ago. What kind of a half-ass national ad campaign comes up with Kelvin Sampson as the major endorsement? That said, he’ll win games in the regular season and he’s not likely to have the mental and emotional breakdowns with which Mike Davis regaled us. I’m still trying to figure out where Earl Calloway came from. He and Bobby Perry might have been the two best players in the first weekend of the NCAA tournament last year. If that doesn’t bother you then you have no soul.

Louisville – I don’t get the way Pitino puts teams together anymore. He used to find an athletic tall guy and stick him in the middle to run the floor and cause mismatches. Now he is relying on a lazy, fat freshman to save their season. Caracter’s talent is undeniable, but I see more Brandon Bender than Nazr Mohammed there. It’s pretty unlikely that Pitino will start a lineup with Palacios (who can only be described as a brick shithouse), Padgett, and Caracter. Who comes off the bench, and how is his attitude? Terrence Williams is dunkeriffic, but why does Pitino insist on exaggerating how good his players are lately. When UofL signed Williams, Pitino described him as a more athletic Dominique Wilkins, and unless I’m mistaken, he promised like five triple-doubles out of him this season. You would think he’d be more concerned with returning to the NCAA tournament than T-Will’s triple double tally. Warning: watch out Edgar Sosa, you’re not on my list yet, but a couple of slip-ups and you’ll be my Hispanic Paulus. Comprende?

Those UK freshmen have something special. You can’t coach the little things they do. Jasper makes crisp passes, Stevenson has unbelievable blocking instincts, and Meeks gets in the passing lanes and is a great finisher. I think Porter is UK’s next Ravi Moss. Morris looks ready to play hard for at least 20 minutes a game. Bradley needs to make two entry passes to Morris for every three pointer he takes. The Year of Wu??? How good are they going to be? Nobody has a clue. They could be worse than last year if they don’t play team ball, but they could contend for a number one seed if they start playing team defense and Joe Crawford quits taking threes just to show how high he can jump when he can get to the line whenever he feels like it. Crawford reminds me of Adam Banks in the Mighty Ducks II. He’s always playing for the scouts instead of just going out there and having fun. That Cake Eater needs to remember why he started playing basketball in the first place. It’s knucklepuck time, Joe! Make it happen