Val Kilmer

Finals are here, which means I am hating life right about now. This feeling will most likely go away about 1 week after my last final. Even though I realize this feeling is only temporary, I sometimes forget that I don't always hate life. If I always hated life, (and apparently some people really do hate everything about life) I think I would stop interacting with society as a normal human. For instance, I think I would bump into people on sidewalks, pee on myself in public, and steal things from people. Obviously, people would object to this behavior and probably say things like: "Hey, watch out, buddy!"; "You're disgusting!"; and "Get back here, asshole!" I think I would adopt the following reply to any criticism I might receive: "I do what I want!" And I would shout this at people even before they criticized me if I felt they might criticize me in the future (kind of a preemptive strike). I think I would also run everywhere and probably wear a cape of some kind. So, in a way, I think I'd become The Saint, which means that I kind of wish that I hated life all the time. By the way, when I say that adopting this manner of living would transform me into The Saint, I mean that I would become the European Don Juan Saint, as opposed to the dorky cold fusion scientist Saint. Because if you wear a cape and run everywhere, you probably don't have any trouble bedding the females. At the risk of getting off track a little bit, I should mention that I would also drink wine and cry a lot--because I would be so emotional and would feel bad about the hearts I had broken along the way. The only bad thing about becoming The Saint would be all of the chest hair (and probably the hands-free kit that I would be required to purchase and use in airports and while driving). I would also file my teeth into sharp points and bite people.