Monday, April 02, 2007

Apparently It's Opening Night

With all the madness that has been going ons lately you might have failed to realize that baseball season began tonite with the St. Louis Cardinals and New York Mets - a rematch of last year's something important game. In fact, I did forget about baseball season, and when asked if I was watching the game tonite responded, "Dont' you mean tommorow night?" As the blogger who resides in the city of the defending champions, I thought it fitting that I give a preview of the upcoming season.

Every team will swing wooden bats at the baseball. Some will strike out. Some will get out. Some will reach a base. And some will hit a home run. Pitching seems to be very important. The players will try to throw the ball fast enough that the other player cannot hit it. It will usually be called a strike. Players will also steal a base, but only occasionally.

The St. Louis Cardinals are the defending champions and people tell me they are still good. Albert Pujols hits a lot of homeruns and the other players do well too. They were red.

The Chicago Cubs also play baseball. They have ivy on the wall of their field. My friend Brandon really likes them. People in St. Louis do not.

The New York Yankees usually do well and I hear they spend a lot of money on their players. Chuck Knoblach is their star player.

The New York Mets also play baseball and do pretty well. But I don't know what a Met is or looks like.

The Boston Red Sox are also an important team. It would behoove you to learn how to pronouce their new star pitcher. He wore a lot of fur coats on ESPN and that is usually a sign that he is paid well and talented. He will throw a lot of pitches this year and a lot of them will be strikes, which will result in outs. Outs are a good thing in baseball. Allowing homeruns and hits is a bad thing.

The Other Team That Lost To The Cardinals should also be pretty good and they were supposed to beat the Cardinals last year in the championship game. I think they have some pretty good players who are still on the team.

So that's your 2007 Baseball preview. If you are playing in a fantasy league this year pick the players who hit a lot or pitch a lot of strikes. They will give you high points and will help you win any league. I am predicting a repeat championship for the Cardinals and also good years for the other teams. I think there are some teams not mentioned here, but they aren't really important. If you are lucky enough to have tickets to any professional baseball games this year I suggest you scalp them, go to a bar, order some drinks, and hope basketball season isn't over yet. Have fun out there!


Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

Imagine my embarrassment upon reading this article and realizing that baseball is actually a sport and not just a big all-male steroid party. Since making this realization, I've also done a little research on the topic. Now don't take my word for it, but I also heard that baseball guys wear hats and eat the seeds of sunflower plants. Sounds like a wacky lot to me, and I don't want any part of it.

April 2, 2007 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Jumping Bull said...

I just jerked off to this article

April 2, 2007 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger the butler said...

I believe a "Met" is an old, old wooden ship...used during the Civil War.

I predict another player's strike. And WAAAAAYYYY too many people getting injured in a "sport" with hardly any contact. Running around that diamond-shaped area and stepping on all those white things must be extremely dangerous.

April 2, 2007 at 2:24 PM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

April 2, 2007 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

Were they red? Or did they wear red? Maybe they where red. Anyway, I disagree with T. Monk on what should be done with the money made from scalping tickets. You should buy yourself a Nintendo Wii and Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2007, start up a heated rivalry with a dear friend, and aspire to one day be even half as good as Thelonius Monk and Codename Curveball. And please do let us know if anyone gets windfall of a chance for us to use our greatness for financial gain.

April 2, 2007 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger Natty Bumpo said...

Codename, I think I may want to enter into an email exchange (to be posted on AwesomeUSA!) with you debating the greatest pseudospecies of all time. I have dibs on the humanzee. You can have the vampire. I can't get enough cryptozoology.

April 2, 2007 at 5:46 PM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

Dear Mr. Bumpo,
I would love to debate the greatest pseudospecies of all time. This is particularly intriguing because I cannot possibly fathom how you can think a humanzee (aka manpanzee and chuman for those of you who don't know) is superior to a vampire. Or perhaps you are just being nice to me. However, let's just take the humanzee we are all most familiar with, Kyle Tavares. Sure, he is fun to make fun of, but from my vantage, this is where the appeal ends. Perhaps, though, you have thought of something I haven't, and I welcome your arguments. (NOTE TO T. MONK: Please provide me with Mr. Bumpo's email address.)
Your fan,

April 2, 2007 at 11:12 PM  
Blogger Natty Bumpo said...

Wow, I guess I hadn't realized Kyle was a humanzee. That certainly changes things. But we do need to get on this right away.

April 3, 2007 at 1:20 AM  
Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

I think we are all waiting for a pseudospecies post.

April 4, 2007 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Codename Curveball said...

If someone (T. Monk) knew Mr. Bumpo's email address, maybe that would have happened by now. Nevertheless, while I wait, I will be preparing a stalwart case for vampires. In addition, thanks to google image search, I have recently acquired an image of Kyle Tavares as a baby, before his strict shaving regimen began, that does in fact prove his humanzee classification. I will provide the photographic evidence along with substantial verbiage on the case at hand. Your patience and support is appreciated in this difficult time.
Over and out,

April 4, 2007 at 12:29 PM  

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