Friday, March 02, 2007

Shaq Attack is Back

Uh oh ladies and gentlemen. Uh oh. You may know him from Kazaam. You may know him from Pootie Tang. You may know him as Neon from Blue Chips. Or like me, you may know him from Steel. However you do know him, and let's be honest - you all do, there is only one thing I need to say on this late Friday night: Shaq is back.

Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal is back folks, and if Dwyane Wade decides to forgo surgery and come back this season the rest of the league needs to watch their backs, especially Brad Miller. In his last 5 games Shaq has averaged 20 points a game and 10 rebounds. That isn't including tonite's 31 point 16 rebound 6 assist game against the Pistons, because I don't have the mental capacity to add that into the average. With Wade out, Shaq has shown he can still put up 30 point nights and monkey dunk on a lot of people. I have been reluctant to believe the reports out there that Shaq was falling apart and was really only useful in drawing double teams, blocking a few shots, playing point guard at the all-star game, and wearing a Fu Manchu. Shaq of course isn't Shaq in his prime, but he has not fallen off to the point some people believed. His minutes per game is increasing from about 25 to 30 and is shooting well over 60% from the field, and an amazing 30% from the line. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Shaq is truly, truly back.

It is great to see Shaq playing like his old self. He has long been one of my favorite NBA players, even though he played for the Lakers. He, joined with Charles Barkley, is one of the few athletes (maybe only 2) who can say anything they want and it isn't taken out of context or taken too seriously, due to the fact that he doesn't take himself too seriously. He is a refreshing figure in a sport that is crying for some personalities. If it weren't for a really hot girl didn't work at our mall CD store I would have bought his CD when I was in junior high.

You may feel that I am prematurely shooting my wad here, but I don't care. I am more excited about the NBA season right now, than I have been in several years. The only thing I still need to see is Shaq spinning out of the post, and throwing down a one handed dunk off an oop from Eddie Jones and I will declare them the East Champions.


Blogger Jesus' Son said...

Is it alright to say monkey dunk?

March 3, 2007 at 1:17 AM  
Blogger Runs With Two Horses said...

Wasn't one of Shaq's albums entitled "Monkey Dunk?"

I think John Rocker is part of that fraternity of athletes you mentioned. People love that guy no matter what comes out of his mouth.

March 3, 2007 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Leonard Peltier said...

Where does Mike Tyson fit into this conversation? I mean, it's funny when he threatens to eat people's kids all the time, right?

March 3, 2007 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger Thelonius Monk said...

monkey dunk is in no way a race thing. it's just what many of us have called Shaq's two handed dunk where he tries to pull the rim down to the ground. it's called a monkey dunk because his body looks like a monkey when he does it.

i made a list of the top athletes who can say whatever they want and it's never taken out of context or too seriously, but i only included the top two. the rest area as follows.

3. Tim Hardaway
4. Mike Tyson
5. John Rocker
6. Fuzzy Zoeller

March 3, 2007 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger Jumping Bull said...

I was just searching on for "monkey dunk" to confirm Mr. Monk's explanation. Alas, it has not been recorded on that website; however, I was able to find "monkey dump" and "monkey crunk." I also purchased a couple of novelty t-shirts for Natty from one of the websites sponsors: "Vampires do it in the dark" and "Snow White and the Seven Devendorfs."

March 3, 2007 at 4:06 PM  

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